"Let's go and do something this weekend, okay?"
"Shh... Shh... I think he's coming back around."
"What are you doing down in the garden?"
"Those girls ARE topless!"
"That scared the f*ck out of me!"
"Go get...uh...uh...go get, uh, go get your next item."
"Are you okay honey?"
"Our queen doesn't matter."
"Ain't no ducks on the computer, can't kill none that way."
"Twenty years from now. Nineteen, nineteen, nineteen, nineteen
ninety. Nineteen seventy."
"Watch out for the phone. I'm fixing to pull it off."
[He's asleep.]
Eric: When are we going to take a ride in your new car?
Jake: What?
E: When are we going to ride in your car?
J: What car?
E: You just said you bought a new Lincoln.
J: I can't afford a new car.
E: [painfully, as if being stabbed] Ohhhhhh...
[Just awakened, with eyes open, looking at me.]
Eric: Where'd everybody go?
Jake: Who?
E: The two guys that were just here.
J: What two guys? There hasn't been anyone in here.
E: The two black guys who were on the football team with you. [I
have never, ever been on a football team.]
J: Are you awake?
E: [looks at clock] Never mind.
[I am watching TV. Eric has been asleep about an hour. He
sits up in bed and starts frantically going through the things
piled up on his nightstand. I think he's looking for his alarm
clock to check the time.]
Jake: What's the matter?
Eric: I'm looking for the hook-on.
J: You're looking for what?
E: I'm trying to find the hook-on for the truck.
[He's asleep.]
Eric: I'm going to bed.
Jake: OK.
E: You don't think there's anything I'll forget, do you?
J: Not that I know of.
E: Good.
Disclaimer. My roommate during sophomore year was a good ol' boy from back home. We enjoyed laughing about the things he says, and does, during his sleep. He is quite pleased to appear on such a fine website :)